American Idolatry

I have a confession, and unfortunately it is not a very saucy one. Sorry. I watch American Idol.

When I was living in South Africa, it was broadcast about a week later, but here in Dubai it is on a satellite channel I’m not subscribed to, so missing it would have been no big issue as I wouldn’t have known it was on. However, they’re sneaky in this hectically law-abiding part of the world.

Once in a while you have a day where all the satellite channels are magically open for viewing. Of course you’re never informed of this, so it’s a matter of clicking on the wrong channel accidentally and discovering a world to which you previously had no access.Bliss. Or is it just sneaky marketing?

One such lucky accident happened a few months ago, as I started flipping channels. Realising that I could watch ALL the channels made me feel incredibly powerful. I wasn’t going to give the remote to anyone, NOT EVEN FOR LOVE. So there I was, happily flipping away,  maniacal genius plastered on my face, when the press of a button revealed AMERICAN IDOL SEASON 10.

For one glorious hour I bitched and moaned about the contestants, the judges, the host – not that that requires any grey matter, cos he certainly doesn’t come with any- and reveled in it. Nobody really impressed me, but my disease had returned and I HAD to watch the rest of the season. Unfortunately still not having subscribed to the channel made watching a whole episode a little tricky.

YOUTUBE. LOVE IT.WOULD TRADE MY SOUL FOR IT.

So I watched the next episode on Youtube, and that’s when I saw the little girl with the big hair and the long legs do Benny and the Jets. Although I’m an AI fan, I’ve never really succumbed to choosing a favourite, as it’s hardly ever the talented singers (if there are any in a given season) who make it through. I watch it with similar enthusiasm required for sitting through a broadcast of that freak show that is the Eurovision Song contest. While AI is not a freak show, give or take majority of the earlier ‘we-don’t-have-friends’ participants, it is still that bizarre set up where the young/foolish/brave willingly put themselves out there to be  ridiculed. (Simon you are missed.) This makes for delightful train smash tv. Love it.

So, yes, there was this rare creature up there called Haley Reinhart who actually had an amazing voice and great vocal range. Can this girl sing! Yes, she’s still young, sometimes needs to work on voice control, restraint etc etc. But I watched her outdo Adele as she took on ‘Rolling in the Deep‘ and impress with a wonderfully intuitive version of the jazzy duet ‘ Moanin‘. I watched Steven Tyler go gaga over her – ‘You sing SEXY!’- and  Lady Gaga’s (what? This is a singing contest?) spectacular make up rise a few centimetres as the girl effortlessly pounced on any vocal technique thrown her way. It is refreshing.

Thing is, Haley’s not the norm for AI, and she stretched the limits by trying out as many musical genres as possible, most times nailing it, and not fitting into any box needed to win the popularity contest that is American Idol . Much to the judges chagrin, (insert Randy and JLo here) she also didn’t shut up if she believed in her choices. That didn’t sit well with the fickle US voters who soon realised she wasn’t a cookie cutter contestant, some of them wetting their pants in a bad way every time she ‘growled’ a note . It was just a matter of time before she got the boot.

I’m not going to make any predictions as far as a singing career goes, as we’ve seen most contestants, winners or not, get sucked up by the  earth after they leave the AI stage, but if she makes good career choices, maybe, just maybe she’ll surprise.I hope she does.

Noteworthy metion: if she couldn’t sing she would have my vote for her heels alone. AWESOME!So awesome in fact, she giggled as she fell flat on her ass while doing a Led Zep cover. Haley, it wasn’t the heels, darlin, it was that you took on Led Zep. Holy Grail. Wait a few years if you must.  Even then, Led Zep. Devils fear to tread.

Oh, there was a result last night, if you don’t want to know American Idol Winner 2011, stop reading now.

CONGRATS SCOTTY MCREERY, YOU ARE THE SMALLEST WINNER!Having been rated as the season with the best talent, the finals will probably go down as one with the two most yawn-inducing contestants ever. I’m glad Scotty beat out LeeAnnRhimes and CarrieUnderwood’s love child, though. Yes, I know Lauren is sweet, but so’s a cupcake, it doesn’t mean I want to watch it sing me to sleep. I would have kicked her off ages ago based on her wardrobe alone. I mean, have you seen it? If she’ not trying out for Miss Teen Mermaid USA, she looks like she’s intent on singing  in a music box for the rest of her life.

I couldn’t watch the finale cos I ran out of sticky tape to keep my eyelids from closing. Country just ain’t my thang y’all.

xxx

Kitty